Ghetto FOBulous

Simple Green: Cleaning agent.... or pepper spray alternative???

Welcome to another episode of "Stupid things Fobby does when he's drunk". In todays show we'll be discussing how Fob seems to always be the one getting hurt when everyone's drunk...

This weekend I was fortunate enough to be invited to the Pacific Beach block party down in San Diego. And before I get started, I'd just like to say that I had an awesome weekend. It was great weather, interesting atmosphere, and excellent company.

Started the weekend going to a little house party where I finally met someone more metro than me. His place was in the true sense, a bachelor pad. But anyway, this is where I really had a chance to talk to everyone and meet them. Of course, everyone was cool and fun. I spent the evening mingling and drinking XO. Although, later that night I almost got raped for grabbing my friend Lisa's camera. I escaped with my genitals intact but for some reason I left unsatisfied... Hmm.... Oh well... Night one: No party foul...

Saturday comes along and I wake up hours before everyone else, so I go on a hike on some trail that I saw nearby only to turn around an hour into it because I got scared like a little b!tch when I saw a snake. I'm such a girl... But finally, everyone's up and we head out to the beach party which was colorfully advertised to me by the inviting members as ten blocks of drunken hot white chick fun. Man... talk about false advertising!!!! You couldn't drink on the street and all the bars were packed. But somehow we managed to make a beer run and kick it on the beach for a while. However, this is when, for the second time, I get man-handled by Lisa as she knocks me down and gets sand all over me. At this point I'm thinking, "Oh!!!! It's on now girl!!!! You gonna get it!!!!" But then I think, "Man, this girl can probably kick my @ss. And I haven't been beat by a woman... well at least not without having paid for it first." So I let that go...

Evening comes and I'm ready to get my drank on. It's already been predetermined in my head that I'm going to get tossed and get out of hand. So we head out to some club in the Gas Lamp district called On Broadway. It looked like some club out of a movie. Very pretty indeed.

As we're eating dinner, Eugene (one of the guys I met the night before) and I decide we're going to take shots of Jager. He was probably thinking, "One or two shots, and I'll be good." But I was thinking, "I'm going to finish that whole bottle before I leave this joint!" Of course the night goes on, and I'm drunk as hell doing my booty shaking Prince dance. Everyone's laughing at me as I make a fool out of myself. So far it's still my typical night out...

...Skipping ahead here, we're driving home and we're about to drop off Eugene when he gets out of the car he's riding in and starts throwing up on the street. And here I thought he seemed totally cool in the club. So my buddy Jason and I get out of my car and we do what any good friends would do.... We heckle him...

Me: "Haha... I thought you could handle your alcohol?!?!"
Jason: "Haha..." *taking pictures*
Eugene: "blah!!!!!" *throwing up*
Me: "Haha... Whoa... there were some chunks in that one!"
Jason: "Haha..." *still taking pictures*
Eugene: "You bastar.... blah!!!!"
Me: "Haha..."

This goes on for it bit, until he starts to feel better and heads inside. The other guys tell me he threw up in the car, so we try and do the sensible thing and clean it up. When here comes Eugene, no longer wearing his pants, and with a bottle of Simple Green. He insists on cleaning up his mess which he does, but my stupid @ss is still ragging on him, so he jokingly sprays the Simple Green at me.... This is where things get hazy. I'm not sure what happened but I know I was in a lot of pain. It felt like my eyes were on fire. My friends had to drag me into a bathroom and rinsed out my eyes for who knows how long.

Luckily my eyes got better. But who would have thought Simple Green would be such an effective way of shutting up the stupid guy who talks too much crap. Lesson learned...

Although this still doesn't explain all the other injuries I've had while being in a drunken stupor. Of which, this is only a thirty minute show and we're all out of time so I can't really get into it. But I swear if any of you guys mention the tooth thing, I'll get crazy on you!!! Anyway, stay tuned for the next episode of "Stupid things Fobby does when he's drunk".

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 10:11 AM