Ghetto FOBulous

Hawaii 5-0... for a good time. But $250 will make you holla'!

Tuesday morning and I'm back in the grind. But this past weekend I spent drunk in the sun in Hawaii. This was a long due vacation that I definitely needed.

Originally I thought, "Oh man!!! J-pop babes here I come!!!" But when I got there it was a different story. I mean sure, there was a couple of cute fobs here and there. But not nearly as many as I saw when I went to Japan.

(If you haven't figured it out yet, Hawaii is populated with more Japanese tourists than American tourists)

But what really caught my eye, was the damn Swedish bikini team turned prostitutes. These girls were like 5'10, blonde, smokin' body, and out to make some money. You can tell who they were because for some reason they all wore glass heeled slippers. But trust me, come midnight Cinderella doesn't turn into a poor slave girl. Well... maybe she does if you pay her enough... But anyway, these girls were hot! I wouldn't look directly at them for fear I would be lured into their double D charm.

Of course, these are just the working girls. And I'm not about to pay for a piece of patch. So I went to a couple of clubs out there, just to experience the night life and possibly test my game in fresh waters. The first club I went to was Oceans.... And can someone say asian night at Highlands. This place was a reproduced version of a typical club in Hollywood. Not that I'm complaining, the girls there were still cute. But I felt like I was back in L.A. What also felt similar was the asian girl attitude. I guess that doesn't change state to state because those girls were just as hard to pick up on as they are here. Obviously, what I'm trying to say is no play for me that night.

The next night I roll solo because my buddies were drained from the constant partying. I head over to a club called Zanzibar suggested to us by a bartender. This place was Soul Train-the Hawaii version. There wasn't a single person there who couldn't shake their @ss. Usually, I can hold my own in a club, but man did I feel intimidated. So I did what any person would do with no dancing skills... I got liquored up. Five glasses of scotch later (keep in mind I've been drinking all day so by this point I'm trashed) I think I'm JT and I start rockin' my body towards these island chicks. One of them is pretty hot, the other two... well, I would only jump on those grenades if I had to. Anyway, I ask the hot one to dance and we make our way out on the dance floor. She's obviously a much better dancer than me but by this point I really don't care how I'm moving just as long as I am. The night goes on and she's actually into me. We're dancing having a good time but her friends come over and say their leaving. The hot girl won't ditch them so she goes along with them and takes any chances for any play for me that night. Of course this is my fault. That's Picking Up 101. The first rule you learn. You got to keep the ugly friends happy. You got to win the crowd Maximus. And that I did not...

So that's my Hawaii story. I left out all the typical touristy stuff like: "It's beautiful there." "The beaches are so nice." Yada yada yada... I'm sure you all assume that already so I figure you'd rather hear about whores and me getting shot down. Anyway, this little vacation keeps my record at 0 for the century. Yay...

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 10:18 AM