Ghetto FOBulous

A Different State of Mind

Talking to me sober:
You: "Hey, how's it going Fob?"
Me: "Pretty good. I've been really busy with work and stuff but I'm getting by."

Talking to me when I'm drunk:
You: "Hey, how's it going Fob?"
Me: "Shut your face, you piece of hate! Haha... I'm just playin'. *grabs yours ass* You're cute. *doesn't matter if you're a guy or girl* I'd sit on your face if I didn't wet myself already..."

I wouldn't call myself Jekyll and Hyde. More like Popeye before and after his spinach. Haha... I guess that makes sense since I like my women like Olive Oyl. But if you've known me with and without alcohol then you've noticed there's a big difference in the way I act sober and under the influence.

Without alcohol I think I tend to always be half asleep. You can tell I'm a tired lazy bum. Which is why I'm pretty chill and relaxed most of the time. But you get that booze in me and for some reason I start to change. The heart starts to beat faster, my eyes open up, and that's when my mouth starts running. I say all kinds of crap that usually gets me an extremely ugly girl hanging on my arms, or my closest friends worried I might shoot them in a drunken rage.

I'd say most of the time I'm a happy drunk. I laugh like a little girl, smile a lot, and just make a lot of stupid jokes. But every once and while when there's a full moon and the stars are aligned, I turn into this inebriated prick who offends people. I say things without thinking things through. I guess that's why I lost that job as a beer taster.

Bartender: "Here's a dark lager. It's suppose to be crisp and clean. What do you think?"
Fob: *downs the whole thing* "Oh that's great bitch! I like how it makes you look a lot more attractive than what you really are. What's your name sexy?"
Bartender: "Yeah, um, are you okay? You passed out for two minutes in between those sentences."
Fob: "I'm good ho. Now get me another beer Coyote Ugly. My cup'eth run dry!"

Which is why I've been learning to moderate my alcohol intake. I can't drink too much or else I turn into a drunk bastard. And as I get older I realize that it's become unacceptable. So cheers to those who continue to drink with me. Let the good times roll. But my apologies if I end up slapping you like you're my bitch. Just know that I got much love for you... As long as you pay me on time I won't have to choke you.

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 9:33 AM