Ghetto FOBulous

Winner: Tequila

It's been a while since I went heads up against alcohol, well, maybe not for you readers. You can probably scroll back a blog or two and find me bitching and whining about how I'm going to give up the sauce and commit my life to the starving children of the world, or maybe something more selfish like masturbate 24/7. But anyway, for me, it's been a long while since I've gotten my ass kicked this bad by the bottle.

This past weekend was extra special because it was four days long due to the American Rebellion, or Independence Day depending on who's side you're on. Thankfully I got some much needed time off from the grind to do what? How do I celebrate? By throwing up all over my house.

I come back to the Hate to find the guys prepping to pass out. There on the table sits two lovely bottles of Tequila 1800. I think to myself, "Alright. I'm officially on vacation. I can have a couple of shots."

Later that night, we're two bottles deep and I'm starting to run my mouth saying things that wouldn't make sense to a sober person when another buddy of mine shows up with a new bottle of Tequila. By this point, it would have been smart for me to go home because God knows I won't refuse more alcohol. I continue to take more shots yelling things most people wouldn't put up with, slapping my friends and calling them my bitches, and spilling my beer chaser then saying, "Hey asshole stop moving the ground! You keep spilling my drink. Now pour me, you piece of hate!"

And just like every other night like this, I can't say I remember the rest. But my butt wasn't violated and I still had some money in my wallet so it couldn't have been that bad. Violating wise... As for health wise, I don't think I've thrown up as much as I did since I was 21. I threw up in the kitchen sink, the shower, the toilet, the bathroom sink, three different trash cans, and a little spray on the floor to where I found myself the next morning.

It was terrible. And I felt like absolute shit. Not only was my head pounding but my innards which were strategically thrown up throughout my house made it smell like a dirty sock dipped in year old blue cheese. It was nasty.

So the lesson today children is... um... You know I can't say anything and really mean it. Well, I guess, drink on! Just don't throw up so much. And be careful when taking on Tequila. Easy huh?

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 3:55 PM