Ghetto FOBulous

Old friend:  "Hey Fob, how you been man?  It's been a while."

Fob:  "Speak louder!  I don't have my hearing aid.  Who is this? Jehovah's Witness?"

Old friend:  "No!  It's 'so-and-so'.  What's new?"

Fob:  "Oh, hey there.  Well if you must know.  My back hurts, I'm fat now, I'm high on Viagra, and I pooped my pants."

Old friend:  "Okay... Well take care.  Bye."

So I'm back.  Life's quite different now.  My situation isn't where it was two or three ago but that's not really the most notable difference.  I'd say it's more the people around me.  They've changed.  They've matured! 

I know!  What's up with that crap?  Whatever happened to getting drunk, running around in circles, and then falling over and breaking something?  Ah... the good ol' days.  Now it's like: "I got to take care of the kids." "My mortgage is killing me."  "What do you mean there's a tumor on my left testicle?"

Adulthood.  Work and family take precedence over booze and hookers.  Well, at least that's what my responsible friends tell me.  I think it's not right to leave hookers hanging like that, but that's another story.  The days of partying are coming to a close.

Now, the people close to me are married, having kids, making house payments.  It just puts things into perspective.  Which is where my thoughts are today...

I guess I can get married now because gay people won the vote.  And those kids who were calling me daddy.  I wonder how long they waited for me at the airport.  And why does a home invasion sound so reasonable now and days.  Beats making payments!

Ah... being grown up is swell...