Ghetto FOBulous

What happened to my whores???

You know you're gone from the blog scene for a while and next thing you know your whores run off and stop posting. I think for sure I'm gonna have to choke a bitch. I mean, what am I suppose to do at work now to pass the time now that I can't read those prostitute blogs? Do work? F-that! These hands are too pretty for manual labor. Or any labor for that matter...

Sadly though that's not the case. So here's the update. The reason I've been gone for so long is a couple of things. One, I went on my bi-annual boat/river trip with my yellow friends. I know we don't belong anywhere near water unless we're fishing with a big net but at least we didn't show up with dress shoes and slacks like some other asians do when they go to the beach. Still we get these looks from the white folks, "I'm tired of these mother F'ing fobs, on this mother F'ing lake." But anyway, this is something I'm happy to report. For the first time in all these river trips I didn't get hurt or cry. Someone else picked up those honors for me. Thanks Whitey!

Another reason why I've been gone is my grandmother passed away a few weeks ago. So I was in the Philippines visiting family and attending her funeral. God rest her soul. She was an awesome Lola who once told me she'd threaten to haunt me as a ghost if I ever became a police officer. So I guess she wins. Because I'm not a cop. But I'll miss her a lot...

Which brings me to my return to the states. Apparently I picked up all kinds of diseases when I was there. And those bitches told me they were clean... Haha... I'm just kidding. I don't have any STDs. The doctor who gave me an oral prostate exam said so. But seriously, in my week stay in the islands I managed to get a severe cold, my arm got swollen from a cockroach bite that required me to go to the ER, and I got a strand of E. Coli that tore up my exit hole for weeks. And I'm not talking about my regular mad poo-poo. This crap was furious! It would come out kicking and scratching the sides of my a-hole the whole way out. Thankfully, I've recovered from all the above. My butt cheeks are on the side of my legs now. But other than that, I'm all normal.

I guess with all these things happening, I still technically could have wrote something. But I guess all my writing ability has gone to my side projects that I'm working on with a coworker. Can I write a semi-entertaining blog? Sure. Can I write a legit screenplay? Probably not. But still, I continue to lie to myself and my buddy who's working with me. We continue to push on! And to tell you the truth it's actually fun. Especially when I have no money to go out, this is the only way to enjoy myself.

So there you have it. I wasn't completely lazy or dodging you all. Well maybe some of you. But you know who you are because I never return your calls. Unless of course I see you. Then my phone was broken. Anyway, I'll try to start this up again. Just hang out with me and make sure I do something stupid that I can write about. But I don't know who's baby that is, and he doesn't look like me!!! Peace.

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 2:17 PM