Ghetto FOBulous

Damn! She beat me to the punch!

Thanks to careful planning by my mother, the annual New Years celebration with my family was very different this year. Different as in a relative I haven't seen in years showed up. Basically for what seems to me as childish reasons, her and another aunt of mine got into a little squabble one day, arguing about where to go eat and Bam!, just like Emeril Lagasse's sitcom, she mysteriously disappeared.

Now, come New Years Eve, I'm there as usual, shooting the shit with my cousins when here walks in my missing but not forgotten aunt. After being voted off the island apparently she's back for the reunion tour. And she didn't come alone. Slowly entering, comes a business casual, short haired... female "friend". And since you can't see me right now, I'm using my fingers to make the quotation marks. You get my drift?

My aunt coming to our party is shocking enough. But to see her reappear after so long, and with another woman, that totally knocked me off my seat. And after the initial shock, I'm looking at them again and think, "Oh shit!!!" My aunt's the butch one!!!! =O This is just too much...

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not hating on her. If anyone in my old fashioned backwards family would promote, it's definitely the guy who walks the fine line between being straight and bi. Trust me, I'm okay with it. But damn it, I wanted to be the first to shock the family. And with her being the first to come out, I'll have to do something to come over the top. Something so extravagant that when my family looks back on this incident they'll think, "Yeah she's a lesbian... so what?!?! So she doesn't like dick..."

What that is? I have no idea. But I'm sure I won't be having sex with any animals any time soon so beastiallity is out of the question. Perhaps a porn star...

Grandma: "Hi Fobby, I saw this movie and there was this guy who looked exactly like you."
Fob: "Oh was it Broke-butt Mount-him?"
Grandma: "Ah... no. What movie is that?" O_o
Fob: "Um... nevermind." <_<
Fob: *to other relatives* "I think grandma is going senile..."

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 9:12 AM