Ghetto FOBulous

Girl'ish Figure

You know it's not very easy to maintain this size 28 waist. With my combination diet of starving myself and crapping seven times a day I'm barely able to stay a buck sixty. But now it's the holiday season, and my months of flirting with the cougars and MILF's in my company is finally catching up to me. Every morning I find a new piece of dessert, pastry, or snack on my desk.

Usually, I don't even eat desserts unless it's cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory or a Pazooki (sp?) from BJ's. But damn it, I'm trying to maintain my upstanding relationship with these women. Who knows when they're going to need a young buck like myself to step in when the husband's not fulfilling his duties. I have to eat! Eat like a champ! I have to slam my face in there like Ace at an all girls elementary school. Like Barnes at a butthole buffet, I have to dig in and smile.

But alas, my girl'ish figure is fading. How am I suppose to attract those 2x4 ladies when the combined weight of my two butt cheeks weighs more than them? I'm spirling down a vat of Baskin Robbin's World Class Chocolate ice cream and I don't know how to pull myself out. Someone help! Or at least point me to the nearest toilet so I can throw up.

By the way, do I look fat???

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 10:48 AM