Ghetto FOBulous

"Hey what's the score?" "Um, I think the estrogen is winning."

As requested of me by some of you guys, today I went to go work out at the 24 Hour Fitness in Torrance to scout and check out the talent. See if there are any cute J-pop girls. And to my surprise, what did I find? A bunch of a sea donkeys. I mean, I'm not trying to be shallow here. But it's the gym. Aren't the people there suppose to have nice bodies? Or do they no longer make the size I like anymore?

Although, I did end up meeting someone. Every time I would move from one weight machine to the next this person would move next to me. And if some of you are thinking it's a chick. I'm flattered. But my luck isn't that good. It was a dude! Son of *�^*..@!!!

But I know what you're thinking, "Maybe this guy is just working out the same stuff as me." And I thought that as well. At first I didn't think anything of it. But when he started trying to catch my eye and I noticed his eyebrows were thinly waxed and he was wearing eye liner, that pretty much gave it away.

So here we are working out next to each other. I'm hoping this guy doesn't say anything to me when I hear, "Hey bra, you got some big calves. I work mine out all the time but I can't get them that big. What do you do to get that?" And sure reading that you may not pick up on it. But imagine a flaming gay guy trying to sound like a masculine dude. Basically imagine Jason talking and you'll get the picture. At first I didn't know what to say. I was like "Huh?" But then I told him to go try the calf presses and then I excused myself. I guess that was pretty cold. And I'm sure if we were at a bar and I already had a few in me, I'd work this guy into buying me a couple. (Yeah, I'm shady so what?!?! I'm poor. Give me a break!) But there was no such alcohol available so I went my own way.

But what is it with the wrong sex hitting on me all the time? I mean, yeah I know my @ss is shaped like a ripe apple and that guy was right about my legs. Haha... I'm just kidding. But seriously, last I checked there wasn't a target on my @ss nor a welcome sign.

Hmm... I mean all you guys know I goof around with my sexuality and that I walk the fine line. But looking at me could you tell the difference? Or does personality show? Lets add up the physical and personality characterisitcs:

I haven't shaved in three days=1 point straightness
I pluck my eyebrows almost every night=1 point gayness
I think Jessica Alba is super hot=1 point straightness
I think David Beckham is a stud=1 point gayness
My drink of choice is scotch=2 points straightness
My roommates watch baseball, I watch Food Network=1 point gayness
I'd rather go to Ikea than Home Depot=1 point gayness
Musicals are more interesting than sporting events=1 point gayness
I've gone to tanning sal..2 points gayness
I know how to use a straight iron, but not a single power tool=1 point gayness
I've had more guys pick up on me than girls=1 point gayness
And...
I've never had sex with a man=3 points straightness

Well it's a pretty close score but I guess I can see why dudes jock. I mean, who can blame them. At least I know if I ever end up in prison I'll be the most popular kid this side of cell block D.

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 10:35 AM