Ghetto FOBulous

Hiv no more

Well I think it's official. It's been around a year since I last felt like death was knocking on my nuts. I don't know what caused the change. Maybe it was the moving away from my family of bastards. Or just getting out of my hometown, Hacienda Hate. But for some reason I haven't been sick in about a year. I think I finally got the Hiv out of my system.

Now before you go criticizing me about how there's no cure for HIV, let me essplain. I don't actually have HIV. Crabs or herpes perhaps... Haha... I'm just kidding. O_o No really I am... kidding... that is... So anyway! What I was trying to say is I don't really have HIV, but all my life I've constantly been getting sick. For example, if you're sitting next to me coughing, the next day I'll be coughing. If I'm spooning with a drunk whore who's got the flu... You get the message! Basically, I've always had a weak immune system. And instead of trying to explain why it's so, I just say it's the Hiv (pronounced as a word, not H I V) acting up. People laugh, think about it and guess whether I'm telling the truth or not, and then do a fake laugh and walk away. It's just been easier that way.

But I think I won't be needing that excuse anymore. For some reason my health has gotten significantly better. And here I thought I kept getting sick because my liver died about three years ago in a drowning accident. Damn $2 drink specials... But thankfully that's not the case. As a scientific experiment, I've continually drank myself stupid to test this out. Thank God for science, even though they hate each other, but that little experiment proved that hypothesis wrong.

So here I am now. Pretty darn healthy. I may look like crap from the long nights with my good buddy Johnnie Walker. But I feel good. Although, to tell the truth, I do miss the doctor visits. I may have to fake a sickness just to get some free cup-age on the sack. A little cough here and there. Maybe some slap and tickle. You know, just for old times sake. Because the Hiv days are gone! I don't even have to make those shady phone calls about who I gave what...

Fob: "Hey it's Fob. You remember me? I met you that one night."
Random Chick: "Um... no, sorry. I was really drunk that night. I don't remember a thing."
Fob: "Oh... nevermind then."
Random Chick: "Why? Did something happen?"
Fob: "Um... no? Hiv... bye!"

posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 12:46 PM