Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Gospel, according to FOB

A letter to the FOBilius from the Haterians,
"And so it came down from the heavens, those happy, eligible, and single shall not be without wench. For he who seeks a life without estrogen will be outcast as a penis lover or animal rapist. Lightning and thunder will shout throughout the heavens as tears of bu-di-sy juice will rain from the skies... For thou shalt not dost be maketh, unless hast proved to be thy good man, when thy hither to the poo-nany!!! For God will not have you be a caddish whore...

As so, the FOBilius responded,
And why, one free of the chains of female bondage is cast down as a donkey do'er? For insult me do I not cry? Cut me do I not bleed? Yes, likely I will rape thee out of spite. But that is the will of nature. Just as God intended a lilly to spread it's seed, so shalt I. For I am but one man to thole the needs of the gender and do upon those what is done on the nature channel. Whence camest thou? Be cast back to how nature intended and not be tied to the bonds of man. For I will not be tied down by a woman until thou bringeth, and return my rib which was stolen from me.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Devil's mark

I knew one day, the sins of the past would catch up to me. Going house to house coveting all my neighbors wives over and over again, sometimes multiple times in one night. I was doing his evil deeds...

Bad karma will eventually catch up to you and leave you scarred naked in the gutter with an eternal mark to show... "I'm a bad, bad man..."

Being a pawn of evil, I'm no different. I was recently given the mark. The sign that says, "Will work for naughty spankings..." which has been burnt into my skin as...

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Yes. Ol' Lucifer decided to use his mystical satanic ways to use burning hot oil and nut all over my arm. A scar that will most likely be carried with me the rest of my life, or until I get really drunk and somehow get my arm chopped off. Which ever one first!

But still, I am lucky. If I hadn't used my arm to shield myself I would have been stuck with SATAN'S FACIAL! And that's just not fun unless it's the real thing...