Brokeback Japan part 2
We arrive in Kyoto late that evening. For me, I've been up for almost 24 hours straight and am ready to pass out. But it's alright. I'm on vacation. I don't have to go back to the hell hole of an office for one whole week.I can easily fall asleep, but I knew Jwang wanted to go take a look around, so we take off to hit the streets. We exit the hotel to be blasted by this cold breeze. It felt like the ice age just sneezed on me. My nipples were sharp enough to cut glass. Seriously... I was cold. Jwang, noticed my shivering and offered his scarf. Now normally, I would never take another man's clothes unless I was jumping him in a dark alley. But instead of freezing to death, I humbly took his scarf and wrapped it around me. My nipples finally relaxed and as I started to feel better, I noticed the scent of Jwang on his scarf. The smell of mothballs and kung pao chicken was saturated with it. Oddly enough... I found it arousing but thought nothing of it. Maybe I was hungry for chinese food... Maybe I was hungry for... nevermind...
The rest of Kyoto went by uneventful. Being caught up in the history and naturalism of Japan, it's hard to remember the Great Chink of China followed me to Kyoto. Or maybe I was just in denial. I didn't want to think about what I was really thinking about! Tasting that dim sum with some wasabi dressing...
Finally, Tokyo. It's best to do the touristy thing first and then party like a porn star? Or was it rock star? Well in either case, I think someone is getting drunk and laid. Not necessarily in that order.
So it's off to go kick back a few. We head off to this party district where all the bars and clubs are. "Lets go see how these Japs drink," I think. "Will I be able to hang? Will Jwang drink too much and throw up as usual? It's time to find out!"
As suggested to most foreigners, the place to go is GasPanic. I'm assuming it's where all the white boys go to get their yellow fever fix. Anyway, we're there. Drunk. Horny? Not quite. But open to suggestions. The crowd is domestic with a hint of international influence. It's obvious though that people are there to meet people.
We take a couple of shots with the Russian bartender, do a lame dance routine with the sumos, and say insulting "massagy my cha-ji" statements to the korean girls. I say to Jason, "Hey tell those Japanese girls over there to sit on your face."
We laugh and he responds, "Nah, F-that! You do it."
The eyes rollover as I say, "You little bitch... I'll sit on your face if you keep it up..."
And quickly the laughter stops. Jay responds, "Go ahead I don't think you will." And as those words leave his lips, it's as if the whole bar freezes. Our stares are now locked in almost a contest to see who's bluffing. Maybe I am. Maybe he is. Or could it be we're both telling the truth. That perhaps one of our faces will soon be smothered with an ass...
It was one of those exciting but awkward moments in my life. Just like that time I worked as a zookeeper at the San Diego zoo.
Zoo Manager: "Hey, Fob have you seen any of the gerbils? None of them are in their cage."
Fob: *farts in a squirrel noise* "Um... no, sir. Haven't seen 'em. Yeah..., I got to go." *waddles off with a tail sticking out my ass*
So we're there. In a foreign land, drunk and curious. Curious of this strange feeling we're both feeling. And at that moment, this force strangely draws us closer. Closer and closer... my expectations are out the door, I close my eyes to see what happens next...
When this ninja star hits me in the ass!!! The pain snaps me out of this weird daze. I turn to see a gang of ninjas standing their doing a cool-ninja guy pose. Apparently, it's on... I turn back to Jay and the weird tension is gone but he knows what I'm thinking...
Simultaneously we both say, "It's morphin' time!!!"
****
The end.
posted by Ghetto FOBulous @ 3:16 PM
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