Monday, June 26, 2006

Five hundred, twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes...

Okay, so considering this hot humid weather, this isn't exactly Seasons of Love. But I just saw the movie Rent last night and it got me thinking about how much I really didn't appreciate the musical. Probably because Doogie Howser was playing the lead... but anyway, aside from the good music the movie brings up a good point about the dynamic of a group of friends.

At first I thought it was don't kill the gay guy because he's the life of the party and no one will be happy once he's gone. But given more thought, I think the story of Rent shows that even though friends bicker and fight with each other, they're still friends in the end... no matter how F-ed up they are personally.

What's weird is that same day, I had lunch with two friends who said we need some new people in the group. Some new blood. Fresh meat. And considering all the sausage we have already, people with vaginal capabilities. I guess basically that even though we're all friends, most of us annoy the hell out of each other.

So here's my attempt at a solution. Read on...

Thursday, June 22, 2006

La La La La...

I wasn't as fortunate as most of the kids I grew up with. Most of them had parents who supported them and told them they're capable of anything. My parents on the other hand were too busy beating me down for getting a B+ on that math quiz or missing the shot in the big soccer game. I tried a lot of different things, kids should do but since I was never the best, my parents' non-direct statements of, "You big fat loser! I want a blood test to see if you're really my son...” kind of had a negative effect on me.

So here I am two decades or so later. I've become a cocky asshole when it comes to certain attributes my parents couldn't beat out of me like video games and... Well that's all I can think of right now. But seeing where my life and career have been heading in the past five years, I've been trying to get better in the arts. Specifically this time, my current creative projects have forced me to write lyrics for a couple of songs.

Why you ask? Well I can't say just yet because I don't want to jinx this project. Usually I start crap and never finish it because 1) I'm too damn lazy and would rather drink myself stupid with my friends and get shot down by some chick who would look incredibly unattractive under regular daytime sunlight, or 2) The tears of failure and insecurity that my parents have embedded into my way of thinking have made it very hard to see my screen and see what I'm typing.

So yeah, don't ask unless I've told you already. Sssshhh! So anyway, this thing I'm working on has actually gone further than anything else I've started so far. And I've come to a point to where I need write two songs. But not just any songs, they have to be tied into this theme. And right now I'm struggling. If you've been reading this blog, then you must already know I'm not exactly the smoothest person with words. Like last Saturday when I tried to say something to the hot chick at the gym.

Fob: *stares at hot chick in the corner for hours until finally having the courage to say something* "Um... so... w-w-w-will... I..."
Hot chick: "Excuse me!!!"
Fob: "S-s-s-s-orry... B-b-b-but w-w-w-will I be in y-y-y-your way if I work out h-h-h-here."
Hot chick: "No... go ahead" *finishes work out quickly and moves to other side of gym*
Fob: *finishes workout and goes home to cry himself to sleep*

It's not exactly radio DJ material if you know what I mean. I've always had a hard time picking my words whether it be spoken or written. Take for instance this blog entry. I actually started writing this entry 13 years ago and just finished spell checking it.

I'm just slow like that. And this is something not that serious. For me to even attempt to try and write lyrics for a song is very brave/stupid of me. So I may be in a delusional state and think I'm capable of such crazy things. But f*ck it! I might as well be a failure at as many talents as possible…

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

You're all still alive

Haha... told you! Contrary to opinion, I am not the evil spawn of Satan. It's now 6-7-06 and as falsely predicted, all you jerks are still alive and I didn't rain hell on Earth.

And if you don't know what I'm talking about, then you probably don't know me very well but I'll explain anyway. My friends, roommates, and small countries seem to think I'm the evil omen, devil child that was suppose wreck havoc killing me people, raping horses, and crash the internet.

But seeing as everything is still around, and I'm still stuck in this shitty cube at work listening to my boss tell me how much a moron I am, that I am not the son of Satan. Yeah, I'm a jerk. I've kicked a few puppies and stolen candy from mentally challenged kids. But I'm not pure evil.

And as proof, I'll be at church this whole weekend! Yup it's time for my annual appearance. Our church fair, the only time they let me in. Of course it's only for manual labor but hey, I can't complain. I'm just hoping the holy water doesn't burn my skin this time.

Monday, June 05, 2006

You Come Here!

Why? Why you ask?!?!

Because my nuts were a mess this past weekend. It was hotter than hell in SoCal and knowing my dumb ass, I decide to head inland and bake my nuts to a crisp.

What do ya know! It's a 100 degrees and my family decides they don't need the AC on. And that's when my panties get all moist. But I'm not talking about the good kind of moist. Where you see a hot piece of ass that you wouldn't mind tappin'. Yeah sure, the girl next to him isn't that bad either.... But anyway, really hot to where my nuts were a sweating bullets.

So since I don't know any girls who'd date me, I don't have to worry about any potential females reading this nasty blog. But the rest of you bastards can come visit me from now on at the beach. We can chill, do nothing, drink beer, and watch girls in bikinis go rollerblading down the pier. Who's in?

Thursday, June 01, 2006

What the hell Yellow People?

Certain things I've come to accept. Well, maybe not accept. More like my soul and spirit has been beaten and I've lost all hope. But there's other things. Things that I think at the time, "Oh come on! You can't be that fresh off the boat?!?!" And although these things are completely retarded and constantly happening, I still tend to be surprised each time I see an Asian person do something that should get them deported.

Again, I'm not talking about your average stupid Asian things. For example we all know their bad drivers. That's a given. I've come to accept eyes half closed are meant only to view things their hands can touch. Like a calculator for instance. But decide for yourself. Take an afternoon drive through Alhambra, CA and if after 15 minutes you're not ready to kill someone or looking at your airbag then more power to you. You must be a buddhist monk or have been married for a very, very long time. The force is strong with you.

Anyway, I'm talking about the new and improved things Asians think of that'll get white people laughing at them. Like I'm sure you may not have seen this with your own eyes but may have heard rumors around the water cooler.

Chet: "Hey Sven. Bra, I was surfing down at Mosa when I saw the craziest thing yo!"
Sven: "Bro, what was it man? A black guy?"
Chet: "Nah... dude. Did I say Africa???"
Chet & Sven: "Hahaha...."
Chet: "But fo-reals do... It was Orientals... At the beach... Wearing slacks with dress shoes!"
Chet & Sven: "Hahaha...."

Lets forget the fact that we're already pasty yellow. But come on! At least pretend you know how to dress when you go to the beach and wear jeans and flip flops. You're killing me Smalls!

But it gets worse. At least in my opinion it does. I was at the gym this weekend working out thinking, "Alright, at least I'm not going to see any Asians doing anything dumb here. We're too busy studying and playing video games to work on our physical appearance..." When what do you know? There's an Asian girl working out. In a dress and heels!!!! WTF???? I mean what do you say to that? The only thing I can think of, is it hurts my soul and every time I see a Yellow person do something that puts us as a whole to shame, I cry a little bit inside. *tear*